Confusing Cuisine

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board
I read the ingredients of many foods I eat. Not one of them has made much sense to me. I don't remember ever learning about the chemicals listed on the back of food. Who is to say whether or not these may be cancerous? Where can I find information regarding the chemicals/ingredients of food?

Regards,
Stuck with sodium benzoate

A: Dear gastronomically, molecularly and masticatingly challenged,

Please repeat after me. "Chemicals are my friends. Chemicals are my friend." Take a deep breath.

Now that we are past that, we must realize that not all chemicals are evil, a grand consipracy, or disgusting. In fact most of them are quite helpful for you, some are helpful to the manufacturer and others are there to make food cheap and accessible. Modern food convenience, the freedom to eat a variety of interesting creations and cuisines, at prices that don't add to more than 50% of your income or 75% of your (a woman's) time, are due in part to these additions that drive down the cost of making and delivering safe food. But a lot of them aren't new. Man has been adding things to food to make them safe for years; salt, vinegar or even sulfer dioxide into wine to help control bad bacteria first added in Ancient Egypt).

But what are they? Food additives (the majority of all those chemicals on the ingredients' list) are either direct or indirect additiives. Direct additives are added to affect the actual food. Like adding niacin in wheat flour to make up for the loss of vitamins during milling. Indirect additives are leftovers from packaging, storing or making the food. For example calcium silicate (an inert salt that can't hurt you) is added to allow powders to flow in food plants. Direct additives serve one of three general purposes:

• Maintain freshness and saftey: ie. so you don't get botulism or the product doesn't stale or dry out. This has direct relation to food risks and costs.
• Improve or maintain nutrition: adding potassium iodine into table salt has been a medical marvel of our time - preventing severe thyroid issues.
• Improve taste, texture and appearance: dyes for color, stabilizers so food don't seperate, starches for mouth feel, etc. A lot of these aren't new, but they help!

Now that we've firmly established the need and usefulness of additives, how do we know they are safe? In the United States (similar in most countries) food manufacturers must apply for the use of additives in food (both direct and indirect). The Food and Drug Administration then looks at the composition and chemical properties, focus on the amount you'll eat, any short and long-term health effects (especially cancer) and other various factors. They determine a safe level (which gives you a safety margin to consume a whole lot - just in case) and then regulate the use in the food. (Note: there are some items exempted from the process because we know they are safe - like GRAS - generally frecognized as safe). Are we absolutely sure its safe? NO. But we do our best. Combined with GMP (Good Manufacturing Practices) companies and the government look to deliver the best, and safest food possible.

Please note that the dangers these additions prevent are a MUCH MORE serious threat to your health than the 1 in 10,000 chance you have of being slightly sensitive to Yellow Dye #5. Botulism, samonella, e-coli, etc. are devastating diseases. So a little sodium erythorbate in your canned veggies can prevent that tiny amount of botulism that can kill you very fast (it takes a miniscule amount).

The FDA (and similar government groups) post online all the information you need to look up chemicals and determine their use. Start at www.fda.gov. There are search tools and tables. I'll give you some examples:

EDTA, BHA & BHT are all preservatives to keep food from spoiling or going rancid

Monosodium glutamate (MSG) is a SAFE way to add richness and flavors without their own flavor to change taste (this falls into the new taste on our tongues - savoriness).

Xanthan gum has many uses including a fat replacer and thickener to add texture.

Soy lecithin is an emulsifier - it keeps mixes of oils and waters together.

Sodium carobanate or citric acid keep the pH in control to prevent spoiling.

Glycerin retains moisture.

Ammonium sulfate strengthens dough effectively and at a lower cost for baked goods.

Calcium chloride (think similar to table salt) firms up foods - like veggies.

Having cooked directly with some of these pure chemicals, I can tell you they are useful and safe. Don't be afraid of them. But one note on general nutrition and food consumption. It is true that less processed foods are better - mostly because they retain a richer amount of nutrients and flavor than the processed kind - NOT because of these additives. I do recommend a homemade whole wheat bread, home killed, dressed and cooked meat and fresh garden veggies over alternatives. Pure foods are delicious and a delight. Do you have the time and ability for all those? When it comes to safe, effective and cheap food to keep us fed ALL year round, these additives are critical! And they are in EVERYTHING you eat - no matter if it is Green or Organic or not.

So bon appetit. Meanwhile I'm going to have a nice class of sodium benzoate with my soda.

The 100 Hour Board

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Let's Scream All Together!

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,

What is the most popular ice cream in the United States?

Brain & Freeze

A: Dear Cookies N Creme,

As my grandfather says. "They should make a statue to the man who invented ice cream. Think about how much happiness he has brought to the world." Ah, yes. But what flavor should it be?

There are sooo many flavors out there. It is tough to decide (unless you are presented with trout ice cream, as made in Iron Chef America). We for one are ready to punt those little kids aside so that we can get to the front of the ice cream truck line.

The answer is simple: vanilla. Let's show you with a little more information. (Data from the International Ice Cream Association in Washington DC).

The first pie chart (a good choice with a big scoop of ice cream!) shows all the favorite flavors. (Ours is in the 'other' category).

The second pie chart (this one rhubarb and strawberry) shows the generic categories. Both show vanilla as king!

Now, as this was an easy answer - anyone who's dropped a delicious scoop of vanilla into cold root beer understands - we offer you some more interesting facts.

The leaders in ice cream consumption: 1 US 2 New Zealand 3 Denmark 4 Australia (per capita).

In the US the mid-northern states eat the most ~42 quarts / person / year. (Average is 23.2 quarts). With Portland, St. Louis and Seattle being the winners (nothing better to do).

Ages 2 through 12 and over 45 eat the most. And 98% of homes buy ice cream.

Some odd flavors are out there, so watch out. Although most of these are in Asia and a single store in Venezuela (500+ flavors). Some include: a whole variety of fish flavors (shark, eel, squid, etc.), corn, chicken wing (if it was buffalo w/ blue cheese swirls I'm game), viagra (just what we need, fat old excited men), garlic, bacon and spaghetti bolognese. 101 found here.

But Ben & Jerry's - a truly loved ice cream provider (or as we say, a packager of love) - gives you a tool to make your own ice cream. With 4 steps and many options the varietes are endless (actually there are exactly 155,999,692,800 varieties).

And one last fact. Sorbets and ices have been around for a while, some believe Marco Polo brought it along from China (along with pasta). But true 'ice cream' showed up in the US around 1715. Is it any wonder that the US has been around as long as ice cream. We at the 100 Hour Board suggest that the Constitution, the Revolution and the United States democracy all came because of the creation of ice cream. Jefferson and Madison loved it. I think you can even see a chocolate ice cream stain on the Declaration of Independence. And why did the British really loose? Brain Freeze. Some call it Divine guidance. We call it Delicious goodness.

100 Hour Board

PS - Some 100HB favorites: basil ice cream w/ virgin olive oil, sorbets of all sorts, spaghetti ice cream (vanilla 'noodles' w/ strawberry sauce and coconut shavings), Graeters!, peanut butter in almost any way.

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Licking the Salt Stone

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,

Why does watermelon taste sweeter when you put salt on it?

Georgia Inquisitive

A: Dear Peachy Keen on an Answer,

People do a lot of things with their watermelon. Some better than others. They eat it. Pickle the rinds. Cut into wedges, squares, balls and strips. Juice it. Salt it. Some even (so we've heard) drill a hole in it and pour libations therein. (The 100 Hour Board loves to shave it in thin slices and serve with cucumber slices with prosciutto and lemon olive oil. But we digress). We've even seen pictures of little kids with watermelon that is worn rather than eaten.

But why salt it?

The 100 Hour Board - in our infinite wisdom - will tell you the reasons, both the simple, the most likely and the probable. So sit back with a slice of pink and green, pull up a can for spittin' seeds and enjoy. (Just don't spill on the keyboard. IBM doesn't like the sticky keys.)

The short answer - salt doesn't make your watermelon sweeter, just seem that way. It works too with all sorts of fruits, especially: tomatoes, melons, pineapple, mangoes, papayas and even wine (again - so we hear). We'll give you the top three reason this works.

1. Seasoning. Salt is the ultimate season. (that's as seasoning not spring or fall) As a primary taste (along with sweet, bitter, sour and umami - the newly found one) it adds depth to things we eat. For a long time it was thought we had individual taste buds for each taste type. But currently, "electrophysiological evidence indicates that although some cells are especially responsive to specific types of stimulus, they also respond to other taste stimuli to varying degrees as well." To quote a recent cartoon rat. Think of taste like music, with each taste a layer that works in harmony to make a symphony. Salt is like a major bass note - supports a whole lot to make things tasty. Add a little salt, and things taste better. A little more and the full flavors come really out. A little more and it begins to get salty. Balance is the key. So a little salt on that melon will enhance the flavor as it plucks the strings of your taste bud.


2. Vacuoles. Plant cells contain little pockets inside that act as little storage depots. Some are temporary garbage dumps. In plants, they can be 90% of the volume in the cell. Plant vacuoles, especially in fruit cells designed to be tasty and enticing, are full of the sweet nectar we animals love. All those complex flavours, acids and the like fill those delicious bubbles. As we eat, these burst inside cells and fill our mouth with acids, sugars and other chemicals. The idea is that when we add salt, osmotic pressures (more salt on one side of the cell wall, can help lyse - break or drive out - the flavourful liquid. Thus the fruit is oozing with goodness sooner in the tasting process - before we need to chew it up. This is much like a fruit ripening and beginning to decompose to be tastier.


3. Balance. This is a little more touchy a reason - but important. We talked about strings on the taste chord. But balancing the sweet - sour, bitter - sweet, salty - acid, etc. balances are important. Fruits really need to get the sour/sweet thing right. In fact there is a lot of sour in unripe fruits to keep you away from them until they are ready. Then out comes the sweet big time. It seems that fruits with especially high sugar to acid ratios (a lot more sugar than acid) are well suited to salting. These include (with their ratio) grapes (80), melons (40-50), bananas (60), papaya (80) and even cactus pear (110). But there are exceptions: pineapple (6), strawberries (6) and grapefruit (8) which are served well by a salting - which may point to a different balance salt helps find. (Too much sugar or too little). Maybe that is why we typically leave apples (13), peaches (25) and plums (17) alone.

Odd mixes of chemicals really can bring out the best of tastes. Salt is just the beginning. So keep on eating melon with a shaker my friend. And open your melon mind to try it out on a couple other things. But don't be afraid of other things. Pure cocoa in a tomato sauce for example really helps bring out that non-acidic or sweet tomato flavour (umami! like glutamate).

A very hungry 100 Hour Board

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Yes...We Have No Bananas

Q: Dear 100hrb

You've shown time and time again that you truly know all the answers. so i will turn to you for another solution... where do seeds from lettuce, radishes, and carrots come from?

Regards,

a green thumb...

A: Dear Vermilion Opposable Digit,

Ah, we at the 100 Hour Board love when our readers begin thinking more about their food (we also love the unabashed ego-stroking). There is so much wonder to be found in what we eat. Amazing things really. For example, that broccoli, cabbage, brussel sprouts, broccoli rabe, cauliflower, etc. are all really just slightly differently developed plants. Man has been at it for quite a while.

So before we get too far, lettuce take a look at your question. A little anatomy is needed first. Plants have roots, stems, leaves and flowers - usually. A vegetable is really the part of a plant we eat that is not either fruit or seed (like wheat or rice). Fruits come from the plants ovary and surrounds the seeds. And then we use herbs (green parts) and spices (non-green parts). Vegetables are leaves, stems, pods, roots, storage vessels, bulbs, etc. Fruits are unique in that they are specifically grown to be yummy, in order to spread seeds. Veggies are things we have either become used to eating (bitterness), or we alter in some way to make them safe (soak, cook, beat, pound, etc.)

So in the case of all vegetables, there is another part of the plant that is an ovary and produces seeds. These then grow into other vegetables. We usually eat around these fruits, or eat the veggie before the flowers/seeds develop. There are few plants to we eat almost everything on it, usually we develop a breed for a specific part. Like beets and chard are the same plants, but we develop them differently to get good, big beets, or large leaves.

Take lettuce then. If left to grow it sprouts flowers - lots of them - this is called bolting. Of course we eat lettuce before it gets to this point, usually. Dandelion greens are delicious, and you are quite familiar with the flower.

Radishes are not roots - although some will dangle off. They are mostly a swollen stem, like a turnip, that isn't starchy like potatoes. But radishes are relatives of the cabbage family (even mustards too - which you may be more familiar with the seeds and flowers). They get flowers too - nice white ones with four leaves.

What does this mean for veggies then? You usually harvest - and kill - the ones you eat, and then dedicate another crop for developing seeds. There are a few perennials - like rhubarb, asparagus (grow from underground rhizomes) and Good King Henry. But many of these are not grown now because it is easier to harvest plants completely than parts of them.

Fruits are perennial, essential to the plants reproduction. So things we think of as having seeds (or eating them) are fruits: peas, beans, tomatoes, squash, artichoke - ok really a flower, etc. Fruits come from the plants ovary - usually in a flower - that has 4 steps: is fertilized (male pollen + female ovule - thank you bees!), fruit development, storage growth and ripening. There are exceptions. And thus are born "seedless" fruits.

Seedless plants are either 1) bred to be sterile - chromosomes prevent seed growth, like melons (though the sterile triploid plant must grow next to the unsterile diploid plant to get pollen) or 2)they are created without fertilization - like bananas, pineapples, grapes and naval oranges.

The issue with seedless fruits is they are a target for parasites or diseases b/c they are usually clones of each other.

Plant cultivation for food is a fascinating topic. We take for granted the years of cultivation, technology, breeding and science in what we eat. The 100 Hour Board for one is very interested in getting their own garden growing. But Community Supported Agriculture is also a good idea.

So - happy eating. Olive you to your food.

100 Hour Board

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Juice is Worth the Squeeze

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,

I love orange juice. But I hate bad orange juice, you know, bitter or off-tasting. Given the many seasons, the different oranges, weather, etc that when you open any Tropicana Orange Juice bottle they all taste the same? Magic?

OJ

A: Dear Mr. Simpson?

Orange juice is a real delight, especially that fine product "bottled" by Tropicana. A direct product of squeezing - you guessed it - oranges, the product is full of vitamin C (ascorbic acid - good to prevent scurvy) and potassium. Orange juice comes fresh, frozen, concentrated and canned. Concentrated has been a staple of orange juice consumption for a long time, in fact the 100 Hour Board has manufactured it themselves in a lab setting under vacuum. It is even traded on the mercantile exchange as a commodity. (Trading at about $120.45 / side or contract. Contract = 15,000lbs juice).

But our friends at Tropicana have been doing things differently since 1947 - started by Italian Rossi in western Florida. Although it is now owned by PepsiCo. All the juice is fresh - never concentrate - and typically 100% orange juice. Although several additives are combined including calcium, vitamin D, and sometimes extra citric and malic acid to add acidity to counter calcium. Though all the product is pasteurized for safety. So Tropicana begins with a fresh quality product. Do note that over time vitamin C dissipates from the juice, and so is higher in the larger bottles.

Distribution is also unique. From the beginning delivering fresh orange juice was key, and Rossi invested in dedicated trains and ships, including the SS Tropicana which carried 1.5 million gallons of orange juice a week to NY. Even now Tropicana operates the Tropicana-CSX Juice Trains which deliver great, fresh and protected cargo around the country. You can see the Tropicana terminal in Port Newark off to the right side as you head on the I-78 Extension East.

But how about the standard taste all the time? According to Cathy at Tropicana's Cunsumer Response the company focuses on proven blending of orange juice. Although a 8 oz glass takes 3-4 oranges, it more likely contains portions of thousands. Mass blending of quality product ensures a uniform, predictable product that offsets the bitter ones.

Cathy went on to tell the 100 Hour Board about the orange choices:

"We always blend Valencia in with our juice because it is the best tasting variety for juice. We also use other varieties including: ~ Hamlin, Pineapple Sweet, Parson Brown (and, if from Brazil, Valencia and Pera) "

Then she added a caveat to the whole piece:

"Certainly, we don't want to give away all of our secrets (for competitive reasons), but we hope our response is helpful." Examples could fall into quality control methods, expert juicers, chemical analysis, production methods (like the squeezing process) and the like. Measure of quality include brix (sugar % by weight), acidity, citrus oil level, pulp level, pulp cell integrity, color, viscosity, microbiological contamination, mouth feel, and taste.

Hope this sheds some light on that delicious morning treat. I may try their new product Valencia Tropicana Pure. At this site you can experience the "see, hear and feel the flavor." Like listening to the music written specifically as inspired by the juice. Or creating the 'visual' experience yourself. I offer my own creation:

And lastly you can 'feel' the flavor by remixing the music yourself. Again, a shot of my creation:

It's worth a gander.

100HB

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No Reindeer Were Hurt

Q: Dear 100hr board,
What the heck does "gamey" mean?? For example: My husband tries to tell me that something tastes "gamey" and I just don't get what it is that makes it so.
Regards,
"Meat is Murder, Tasty Tasty Murder"

A: Dear Wild Game Inquisitor,

I understand your frustratation, because although difficult to define by taste, there is something to 'gaminess,' that is the taste and texture of wild animal meats. I'll try to best explain.
Meat (I won't define this, assuming you get the idea) is made up of three sections: muscle fibers, connective tissue and fat. Each contributes to flavor and texture in their own way. Muscle fibers are either white or red (white muscles are for quick motions - like a chicken, red for strength - like an ox) which defines dark/white meat, and the differences in pork, poultry and beef. Connective tissues can be really tough (elastin) or when cooked - quite good - collagen - the stuff that makes gelatin and the good taste of roasts. Fat marbling offers 'juiciness' and 'tenderness' in meat.
Muscle has distinct flavors, especially red meat, and especially when cooked. Fat, though, is what gives types of meat its distinct taste. So what influences taste? Animal age, diet, muscle activity and type of muscle. The older an animal is, the more flavor it develops, and gets tougher as the muscles work and develop stronger connective tissues. That's why mutton is stronger than lamb, beef than veal. And diet is a big influence. Beef and chicken in the US are fed fairly standardized diets. And tend to yield mild meat.
So what is gaminess? The mixture of texture and flavor qualities unique to those meats: low fat, tougher cuts better for longer cooking and distinct flavors. The rich, variable flavor (not as 'standardized' as super market chicken) comes from older age, a wild, mixed diet and free roaming. But in the past, some cuisines have let game hang and begin to essentially rot to enhance the flavors. (Oddly, strong flavors - like cheese - often dance near the edge of rotten food flavors)
So if someone eats some meat and says it is gamey, it means essentially (if they know what they are talking about) it is overly strong, hints towards grasses and chemicals in wild food, and is leaner and tougher. You can't get wild game widely commercially in the US - not regulated by USDA - but you can get the idea at restaurants with 'wild' boar, phaesant and ostrich.
If you are vegetarian and not meat-minded, vegetables can be gamey too. Organic - or better put - in season fruits and veggies are the equivalent of 'gamey' vs domesticated meats. But it is harder to find wild packs of carrots or herds of eggplants sweeping across a plain.
Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go find some bone to chew on. I'm craving some meat!
100 Hour Board

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A Little Bubbly

Q: Dear 100hr board,

What is the difference between seltzer and club soda?

Me

A: Dear "Me"

Excellent question - especially if you are looking to get some stains out of your clothes. Or your husbands as he has a tendency to drop things on them.

In short, seltzer water and club soda are essentially the same thing: purified water with carbonation added to it. But there are some subtle differences in modern usage, so I will explain. First, carbonation is the addition of carbon dioxide gases into water to make it bubbly. This also adds carbonic acid H2CO3 to the water, giving it that slight acrid, tangy taste we are familiar with. I'll offer you a quick timeline to help.

• Original seltzer is bottled from an effervescent mineral water in Niederseltzers Germany
• 1767: Artificial carbonation is invented in england by Joseph Priestley
• 1807: Benjamin Silliman of Yale sells the first commercial seltzer water
• 1830: Lemon-lime, grape and orange, sweet soda water is sold and popular
• 1838: First soda counter in Phillie
• 1891: More soda fountains in NYC than bars
• 1886: Kola nut extract added to coca extract (yes cocaine) as a headache and hangover fix and sold by John S. Permberton in a pharmacy - Coca Cola begins
• 1893: My hero Hires invents root beer (also a pharmacist)
• 1920's: "Hom-Paks" (6-packs) and vending machines invented
• 2006: Coca-Cola made $24 Billion on 'soft drinks'

Now days seltzer water and club soda are basically interchangeable, but club soda ussually has addeds salts for taste (sodium bicarbonate - i.e baking soda, table salt, potassium chloride, etc.) That's why the 100 Hour Board prefers cranberry and seltzer over cranberry and club soda (but some bartenders don't know the difference). Club soda is a great stain remover - including wine. Just ask for some at the restaurant.

The real question is: if you get a club soda stain, what do you use to get it out?

100 HB

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Keeps the Doctor Away...

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board:

Which part of the apple is healthier for you...the skin or the inside?

80

A: Dear Fruit Connoisseur:

Great question. Food and science - my favorite combination Let's start with the obviously gratuitous download of facts.

Apples, malus x domestica, was first domesticated in Kazakhstan, spread across the Middle East in Greece, on to Rome and the rest of Europe. There a quite a variety of crossbred apples, but mainly 4 types: cider, eating (desert), cooking and dual-purpose.

Apples are fruit, a developed part of the plant ovary that contains seeds and some form of transport material. Sometimes these are spikes or feathery things, but for apples the plant develops some storage tissue that is tasty solely for the purpose to be eaten by animals that the seeds will be transported away. It is not necessarily meant to be a meal - just tempting (like the serpent's apple). Not much in nutritional value: proteins, fats, but it has sugars and a whole host of vitamins. Add in some antioxidants, a few toxins at times and fiber (cellulose, hemi-cellulose and other plant matter) and you have yourself an apple.

Now to your question. Best answered with some math:

The difference in the two:

Medium apple skin
Energy g 18
Energy kj 75
Protein g 0.05
Total lipid (fat) g 0.10
Ash g 0.08
Carbohydrate g 4.59
Fiber g 2.3
Sugars g 2.65

Compare the two? Skin is definitely not more nutritious than the inside as a total - but considering it is a small portion of the apple, per ounce it is more nutritious. It does have over half the fiber of the apple, so if you're looking for ruffage and regularity eat the peel.

(All number courtesy from Nutrient Data Laboratory from the USDA.

100 Hour Board - I'm hungry now

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Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,
They say there is more than one way to skin a cat, but how many ways are there to do said skinning? Furthermore, for what practical reasons would one be required to skin a cat?
Regards,
Hannibal Lector

A: Dear Favabean and Liver Connoisseur,

I'm worried about you and your predilections for cruelty to small animals. I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up in some scary house of torture puzzles to try and escape from, only to find out that it was all one of your twisted games...ok enough Saw reruns.
"To skin a cat" is not a new idiom in the English language. Some claim that it comes from a Southern phrase referring to catfish - or cat for short - and hence is used in preparing lunch. But that just seems to be a local use of the phrase, history points to earlier use. It was recorded in John Ray's 1678 book of English proverbs (proverb? really? there's a difference between 'early to rise early to bed...' and skinning a cat). It has shown up in several books, including Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain, "she was wise, subtle, and knew more than one way to skin a cat”, that is, more than one way to get what she wanted. Apparently they needed fresh skinned cats back in 1889, or maybe that's medieval times, or who knows!

I've found multiple references to skinning a cat - including actual skinning a cat, step-by-step photo instructions. (As part of a standard dissection procedure, mind you!) But that's just gross - or too medical. I'd offer you one stanza from a poem of three ways on "How to skin a cat" by Sarah Willians but she's a little deranged. So...although I can't find a finite number, I bet there are infinite, hence the saying, I am assured there are at least 101 according to one list. My favorites:

• Hold it by its tail. Shake vigorously
• Wrap duct tape around it. Pull off quickly
• Chemotherapy
• Paint it white and take it to a sheep shearing contest

Although admittedly some of these suggestions are less about skinning and either just about shaving it or sadistic (use it as a lance or shield in a joust). And some of the actual entries are more about uses of a skinned cat, "shave a message in the fur and send it to an enemy." Apparently the use of a messaged cat is so frequent this must be a major reason to skin one.

As to actual uses, I'm sure there are a good deal them. In fact I'm certain that several countries serve cat much in the same way catfish is in the South. This is the primary reason - though rest assured that cat meat is hard to get in the US and illegal. But do watch out for Chinese restaurants that offer to 'walk the cat.' Or rather 'wok the cat.' But I offer some original uses.

• To pass a regular cat off as Mr. Bigglesworth
• To participate in the Body Worlds traveling exhibit
• Nothing like a cat-skin stole to keep you warm

I don't want to get too creative in case you are inspired to make my kitties go missing.

Now, skinning the cat is also a jungle-gym move, involving hanging by your hands, raising your legs and feet up through your arms and flipping over. Although there is only one way to do this, so I don't think this is your intended idiomatic meaning.

Regards,

Protector of Felines

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Fundemental Numbers

Q: Dear 100? Hour Board,
How many licks does it take to reach the center of a tootsie pop? It may be an aged old question, but I mean the owl in the dumb commercial toys with you by biting it by the third time. Does is vary on saliva excretion or what? Perhaps the Rolling Stones offered the true answer with "40 Licks," but honestly how many?
And on that note, how many hours does it take to get to the center of a 100-hour Board Question?
Regards,
80? 90? Whatever it Takes
A: Dear Lick Confused:
This is an age old question - or at least dates back to 1970 when the first Tootsie Roll Pop commercial aired discussing the question, "How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of Tootsie Roll pop?" Now I have never scientifically tried this out, owing to the fact that once I get to the thin barrier of remaining sucker around the tootsie roll I stop and discard the pop. I hate Tootsie Rolls, I'd rather drink Caro syrup (you know who you are!!) than eat it. So I never get to the center. It's like an asymptote in math - it never quite meets the answer and continues on to infinity.
Now there have been multiple responses and some scientific studies into this problem - the Sweets Company of America state they have received over 50,000 responses to the question ranging all over the place (from 100 to over 5000). They also site 3 studies:
Engineering students at Purdue built a tongue-licking machine that tested pops. Their number? 364. 20 Humans tried it also and averaged 252 licks.
A U Mich engineering student recorded his licking machine took 411
Swathmore students tried a human trial that averaged 144 licks
Interestingly, an elementary school study said it takes an average 9 minutes to get there.
It all comes down to some fundamental questions - like: what is defined by a lick? Are they the same every time? Do you rotate the pop? Do you count licking in the same place to the center? What other hobby could you pick up besides trying this out? Are you Gene Simmons and have an abnormally large tongue?
If you'd like to view the video please see below:(I couldn't get the video uploaded for some reason - please rely on the link) Commercial
Regards,
Sweet Tooth 100 Hour Board

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I'm Thinking...

Q: Dear 'Food-Fanatic' 100 Hour Board,
Can you tell me where Arby's got their name from? We were driving in the car the other day and Mom mentioned something about R.B.s, like short for Roast Beef. Can you shed some light on this very important topic???
Sincerely,
Eating Beef 'n Cheddar In the Dark

A: Dear Roast Beef Aficionado,

I so desperately wanted to call Arby's up and find out the answer to your quandary. So I offer you a transcript.
Ring
Standard prompts
"In order to better serve you, your phonecall may be recorded." How does that person get a job at EVERY phone center in the US. It's like the 411 lady, "OK, I can help you with that."
Arby's Rep (AR): Thank you for calling Arby's, how may I help you?
100 HB: Yes. Thanks. I was calling regarding a question I have about Arby's.
AR: I can help you with that, sir. What is your question?
100 HB: Yes. My wife and I are having a debate regarding the name Arby's. I believe that Arby's stands for the founder of the restaurant chain. She thinks that it stands for Roast Beef. We have a Crispy Chicken Bacon & Swiss sandwich riding on this, so please help me out.
AR: Chuckle No problem sir, I can help you with that. Arby's is named for the company founders, Leroy and Forrest Raffel, the Raffel Brothers, also R.B.
100 HB: That is quite interesting - thanks so much. I rarely am right with my wife, this will help.
AR: Trying to hid the chuckle. Not a problem sir. Is there anything else I can help you with?
100 HB: Oh, yes, one more thing...what ever happened to the Oven Mitt. I miss him.
AR: Oven Mitt is helping out in our community service efforts. Working with Big Brothers Big Sisters of America.
100 HB: You mean there are lots of little oven mitts running around that need help?
AR: I can feel the smile on the phone. Is there anything else I can do for you sir?
100 HB: Nope that's good. You won me a Crispy Chicken Bacon & Swiss sandwich. I'll send you half if you'd like.
AR: No thank you sir, that will not be necessary.
100 HB: Well... thanks then. You've been most helpful.
AR: My pleasure. Please fill free to call again with any more questions. And you can look at our website, http://www.arbys.com/, at anytime for more information.
100 HB: Thank you.
AR: Have a nice day.
100 HB: You too.

I'm thinking Arby's now. Too bad that Rhode Island doesn't have any in the state. (Vermont either). : (

Regards,
Craving the RB

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Unoriginal

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sincerely,
No Imagination

A: Dear Simple Minded

It's unfortunate that you waste the incredible powers of the 100 Hour Board on such simple questions that can be answered with little research or real travail. But...I will stoop to that level because no body is asking real questions.

A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
or
Ms. Woodchuck recently saw religion and has decided that given the impending doom of global warming, that felling trees just for the sake of 'woodchucking' is a horrible idea. It will undoubtedly lead to an influx in CO2 in the air, warmer temperatures and perhaps the cataclysmic winter predicted by Hollywood (no coincidence it is 'wood'). So our friend has decided to actively take up environmental activism, even to a terroristic level, and is no longer chucking wood. It began lightly with relying on recycled chucked wood - or upchucked wood - but has since led to wood alternatives like soak (like a soy version of oak). It's no where near as flavorful but can be slightly nutritious. Following these moves, she has decided to join a woodchucking commune or kibbutz to further the cause of earth good will and woodchuck free-love. It was recently discovered by the USDA Forest Service that she is involved in enviro-terrorist activities. It includes dousing loggers with wood stains - they prefer blue - like my wife, as also the destruction of any post-commercial wood product. So if you see a woodchuck in your neighborhood, beware...she just make attack you for building a house of wood, using paper and frankly giving off CO2.

Now...for the other question...
The chicken first contemplated crossing the road in 1847 in The Knickerbocker monthly magazine. So apparently before this time roads didn't exist, chickens didn't exist or chickens didn't even consider crossing the road. However, from this time there has been an influx of philosophical discussions on whether poultry should consider it necessary to cross the road.
Now the answers, like all philosophical fried froth, are varied, and I offer my favorite. Just realize, before you, dear readers, get angered over no real answer, metaphysical conversations have no known answer, and I'm afraid that Cluckrates, Ploultro, Henselm and Thomas Achickenus will debate this forever via Harvard's Philosophical Journal. So no...no definitive - this is the reason - but some light shed on the questions.
S0 my favorite:
Central Intelligence Agency: "We can neither confirm nor deny any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident."
Others:
Karl Marx: "The chicken was driven by the lash of economic necessity."
Amelia Earhart: "She could have flown."
Martin Luther King Jr.: "I have a dream that one day chickens will be able to cross roads without having their motives called into question."
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, The chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed, I've not been told!
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone
CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

Regards,
Thoroughly To Snide This Morning

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Circle of Life

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

Now to get to my real question: How many donuts does Homer Simpson eat in one year?



A Dear Pastry Inquisitor,



With 10 Billion doughnuts consumed in the US, the average person eats roughly 33 doughnuts per year. I do not take Homer Simpson as a thoroughly 'average' person - more like above average (except maybe intellect). With a height of 6 feet and weighing anywhere from 239 to 300 pounds (all official numbers) his BMI is something between 32 and 40 - all considered obese. So I would put him in a consumption range of something like twice the normal person. Now not everybody eats doughnuts - let's say only 50% of American's do. That's 66 doughnuts per year - a little more than one a week. That just isn't Homerish. Let's consider the 80/20 rule, that 20% of the population eat 80% of the doughnuts - that puts us at an average of 167 doughnuts per person or 3.2 a week.

"American donuts. Glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled. Now how's that for freedom of choice?"

You would think that Homer eats this much each sitting - but he isn't going out and buying this all the time, so I think he relies on doughnuts offered at work, for the most part. That's usually 1 time per week for a good - labor job (like the nuclear plant) + birthdays (or 20 times for a standard department - although he might roam and forage). With church functions thrown in, I put that at 100 activities where doughnuts are served. Eating 3.2 each time, Homer eats about 320 doughnuts a year - sort of fitting in with our BMI calculations. It's a little under 1 a day - which works when we consider that in the mean time he's been to the moon, raced cars, scuba dived, etc. etc.

Now just for your consideration, Canada consumes the most doughnuts per capita in the world. So not only is Homer not a fan of Canada - he'll want to do things just a little better.

"Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?"

Regards,
Looking for Donutions 100 Hour Board

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