You've Got Mail...Again

Q: Dear e-Filer of Knowledge,

From old people jokes to pictures of Obama not pledging allegiance to the flag...where do forward e-mails originate from? Who sits down and decides, "I'm going to create this e-mail that will be forwarded across the world"?

From,

Over-stuffed inbox

A: Dear overwhelmed, oversold, overpitched and overemailed patron of the 100 Hour Board,

There are three main theories attributed to the source of most email forwards, and it is up to the reader (or the 100 HB's bottomless well of knowledge) to find the answer.

1. The emails all originate from sham companies in Nigeria. If you've ever received an email addressed to "Dear most honorable sir" regarding hidden funds, inherited wealth and a need to wire money you know what we're talking about. Given the shear volume of these emails, it is quite possible all email forwards come from Dr Klement Okon III esquire.
2. Emails may or may not be true, but are generated by the Syndicate (the secret government ala X-Files) as an elaborate mass-information / disinformation campaign to generate public interest, concern or to drive policies. This leads to a lot of unclear political and corporate information. Although it may be hard to imagine why a shadow government hiding the arrival of extra-terrestrials are interested in the size of any one's...umm.."endowment".
3. Irma Walton of Ft Lauderdale, Florida. Although that is her alias. But if you happen to be on a certain Aunt's email list - you know what I'm talking about.

On a more serious (ok factual note), your question depends on the content. Of course a lot of scams originate from specific countries (and yes Nigeria tops that list), but scams actually share a lot in common with other emails. They are nothing new. the 419 Nigerian scams began as letters, telexes and faxes long before email became ubiquitous. And a lot of forwards describing laws, companies, politicians, sick people, photos, are old (really old) urban legends or hoaxes that have found new life in the internet age. A quick look at snopes.com will lead the reader to a good number of histories and authentications of these emails.

Even a lot of the political junk we hear about politicians are just recycled, yesterday's news. Some reach back to the muckraker's days. Of course a lot of things are new, and the majority is fake - or at least largely taken out of context. So who writes that? People with agendas. People with little else to do with their time. Probably the same people who think it's funny that scissors come in plastic packages you cannot open without a laser - or at least the scissors you were buying.

But if you ask us at the 100 Hour Board. We'll go with Irma Walton. Although, she may also be the originator of the Nigerian scams too. And now you'll wonder if she's checking for your credit cards the next time she pinches your cheeks.

100HB

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Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,
They say there is more than one way to skin a cat, but how many ways are there to do said skinning? Furthermore, for what practical reasons would one be required to skin a cat?
Regards,
Hannibal Lector

A: Dear Favabean and Liver Connoisseur,

I'm worried about you and your predilections for cruelty to small animals. I'm afraid that one day I'll wake up in some scary house of torture puzzles to try and escape from, only to find out that it was all one of your twisted games...ok enough Saw reruns.
"To skin a cat" is not a new idiom in the English language. Some claim that it comes from a Southern phrase referring to catfish - or cat for short - and hence is used in preparing lunch. But that just seems to be a local use of the phrase, history points to earlier use. It was recorded in John Ray's 1678 book of English proverbs (proverb? really? there's a difference between 'early to rise early to bed...' and skinning a cat). It has shown up in several books, including Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court by Mark Twain, "she was wise, subtle, and knew more than one way to skin a cat”, that is, more than one way to get what she wanted. Apparently they needed fresh skinned cats back in 1889, or maybe that's medieval times, or who knows!

I've found multiple references to skinning a cat - including actual skinning a cat, step-by-step photo instructions. (As part of a standard dissection procedure, mind you!) But that's just gross - or too medical. I'd offer you one stanza from a poem of three ways on "How to skin a cat" by Sarah Willians but she's a little deranged. So...although I can't find a finite number, I bet there are infinite, hence the saying, I am assured there are at least 101 according to one list. My favorites:

• Hold it by its tail. Shake vigorously
• Wrap duct tape around it. Pull off quickly
• Chemotherapy
• Paint it white and take it to a sheep shearing contest

Although admittedly some of these suggestions are less about skinning and either just about shaving it or sadistic (use it as a lance or shield in a joust). And some of the actual entries are more about uses of a skinned cat, "shave a message in the fur and send it to an enemy." Apparently the use of a messaged cat is so frequent this must be a major reason to skin one.

As to actual uses, I'm sure there are a good deal them. In fact I'm certain that several countries serve cat much in the same way catfish is in the South. This is the primary reason - though rest assured that cat meat is hard to get in the US and illegal. But do watch out for Chinese restaurants that offer to 'walk the cat.' Or rather 'wok the cat.' But I offer some original uses.

• To pass a regular cat off as Mr. Bigglesworth
• To participate in the Body Worlds traveling exhibit
• Nothing like a cat-skin stole to keep you warm

I don't want to get too creative in case you are inspired to make my kitties go missing.

Now, skinning the cat is also a jungle-gym move, involving hanging by your hands, raising your legs and feet up through your arms and flipping over. Although there is only one way to do this, so I don't think this is your intended idiomatic meaning.

Regards,

Protector of Felines

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