Unoriginal

Q: Dear 100 Hour Board,
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Sincerely,
No Imagination

A: Dear Simple Minded

It's unfortunate that you waste the incredible powers of the 100 Hour Board on such simple questions that can be answered with little research or real travail. But...I will stoop to that level because no body is asking real questions.

A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.
or
Ms. Woodchuck recently saw religion and has decided that given the impending doom of global warming, that felling trees just for the sake of 'woodchucking' is a horrible idea. It will undoubtedly lead to an influx in CO2 in the air, warmer temperatures and perhaps the cataclysmic winter predicted by Hollywood (no coincidence it is 'wood'). So our friend has decided to actively take up environmental activism, even to a terroristic level, and is no longer chucking wood. It began lightly with relying on recycled chucked wood - or upchucked wood - but has since led to wood alternatives like soak (like a soy version of oak). It's no where near as flavorful but can be slightly nutritious. Following these moves, she has decided to join a woodchucking commune or kibbutz to further the cause of earth good will and woodchuck free-love. It was recently discovered by the USDA Forest Service that she is involved in enviro-terrorist activities. It includes dousing loggers with wood stains - they prefer blue - like my wife, as also the destruction of any post-commercial wood product. So if you see a woodchuck in your neighborhood, beware...she just make attack you for building a house of wood, using paper and frankly giving off CO2.

Now...for the other question...
The chicken first contemplated crossing the road in 1847 in The Knickerbocker monthly magazine. So apparently before this time roads didn't exist, chickens didn't exist or chickens didn't even consider crossing the road. However, from this time there has been an influx of philosophical discussions on whether poultry should consider it necessary to cross the road.
Now the answers, like all philosophical fried froth, are varied, and I offer my favorite. Just realize, before you, dear readers, get angered over no real answer, metaphysical conversations have no known answer, and I'm afraid that Cluckrates, Ploultro, Henselm and Thomas Achickenus will debate this forever via Harvard's Philosophical Journal. So no...no definitive - this is the reason - but some light shed on the questions.
S0 my favorite:
Central Intelligence Agency: "We can neither confirm nor deny any involvement in the chicken-road-crossing incident."
Others:
Karl Marx: "The chicken was driven by the lash of economic necessity."
Amelia Earhart: "She could have flown."
Martin Luther King Jr.: "I have a dream that one day chickens will be able to cross roads without having their motives called into question."
DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road?Did he cross it with a toad?Yes, The chicken crossed the road,But why it crossed, I've not been told!
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. Alone
CAPTAIN KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

Regards,
Thoroughly To Snide This Morning

Continue Reading...

Its all Bull

Q:
Dear All Knowing 100 Hour Board,

I recently read a news article on penguins fear of the color red, can you explain this phenomenon?

Regards,
80

A:

Dear My Monochromatic Friend,

I do not know where you get your facts, but you are clearly misled in this assumption. Bulls charge after the red cape - although interestingly enough it isn't because of the color (bulls are colorblind) but because of the motion. The idea that penguins are afraid of red is just, well bull.

Penguins eyes are attuned to life at sea, particularly underwater. It is disputed whether they are nearsighted on land or not (I've seen facts to both ends - although you can look at Sivak, J.; Howland, H. & McGill-Harelstad, P. (1987) "Vision of the Humboldt Penguin (Spheniscus humboldti) in Air and Water " Proceedings of the Royal Society of London. Series B, Biological Sciences. 229(1257): 467-472). But it is universally acknowledged that the eyes are set to help them see prey and hunters underwater. This means the ability to define blues and greens well. Red is not a distinguished color for penguins. I.e - they do not see red or at least clearly. There is no evolutionary or biological reason to either. In fact evolution points to why they don't (or at least exploits that fact). That is most krill (a favorite penguin dish) is typically red, a color lost in the ocean blues and protects them from the penguins.
A recent Harvard experiment regarding egg-stealing in penguins, involved placing red painted 'eggs' in nests. They could track the eggs around the nests easily - as the penguins couldn't tell the difference.

So - no fear of ruby red slippers or anything. Just afraid of sharks and normal things. I guess they couldn't tell if another penguin got sunburned either - too bad for those Madagascar penguins.

Regards,
March of the Exploding Penguins

Continue Reading...

Circle of Life

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,

Now to get to my real question: How many donuts does Homer Simpson eat in one year?



A Dear Pastry Inquisitor,



With 10 Billion doughnuts consumed in the US, the average person eats roughly 33 doughnuts per year. I do not take Homer Simpson as a thoroughly 'average' person - more like above average (except maybe intellect). With a height of 6 feet and weighing anywhere from 239 to 300 pounds (all official numbers) his BMI is something between 32 and 40 - all considered obese. So I would put him in a consumption range of something like twice the normal person. Now not everybody eats doughnuts - let's say only 50% of American's do. That's 66 doughnuts per year - a little more than one a week. That just isn't Homerish. Let's consider the 80/20 rule, that 20% of the population eat 80% of the doughnuts - that puts us at an average of 167 doughnuts per person or 3.2 a week.

"American donuts. Glazed, powdered and raspberry-filled. Now how's that for freedom of choice?"

You would think that Homer eats this much each sitting - but he isn't going out and buying this all the time, so I think he relies on doughnuts offered at work, for the most part. That's usually 1 time per week for a good - labor job (like the nuclear plant) + birthdays (or 20 times for a standard department - although he might roam and forage). With church functions thrown in, I put that at 100 activities where doughnuts are served. Eating 3.2 each time, Homer eats about 320 doughnuts a year - sort of fitting in with our BMI calculations. It's a little under 1 a day - which works when we consider that in the mean time he's been to the moon, raced cars, scuba dived, etc. etc.

Now just for your consideration, Canada consumes the most doughnuts per capita in the world. So not only is Homer not a fan of Canada - he'll want to do things just a little better.

"Canada? Why would I want to leave America just to visit America, Jr.?"

Regards,
Looking for Donutions 100 Hour Board

Continue Reading...

1st Question - How do I?

Q Dear 100 Hour Board,
So how do I post my question?
Signed,
My Rebel Took Over

A Dear 'My Rebel Took Over'

First off, is your rebel a reference to an inner child that has taken over your life and begun to send you through a midlife crisis? (Not that you are at the midlife point yet). Or perhaps one of your children - i.e the rebel - has thrown your life into disarray, mounted an insurrection and is now calling the shots (not too far from the truth I imagine). Or perhaps you are referring to the Canon Rebel that took over our laptop and any diaper bag we take along with us. I suppose the later. Good for you.

As for posting your question, you've found the way. (This was an excellent question). You can post a question as a comment. The comment will be moderated and then added as an appropriate question on our board. This one was easy so I use an official time of 2.5 hours. Good way to start the board.

Regards,
Way to Fresh With My Wife for My Own Good.

Continue Reading...

Inaugural Post

Q Dear 100 Hour Board:

How does this 100 Hour Board work and what is its purpose? I thought I could rely on my own intuition?

Sincerely,
Confused but Excited

A Dear Confused but Excited,

What an excellent question. It's so perfect for this inaugural post, I'd almost suggest that this was planted. Of course, the 100 Hour Board is not that duplicitous and takes pride in our work ethic and honesty. So I'll continue with an answer to your question.

The 100 Hour Board was created as an extension of my other blog Potop 42, focused on providing a little stream of all that fascinating information out there in the world - useful or not. Figuring that I can put my Rolodex of completely useless trivial facts to use, I created this board. It is a chance for you - dear Reader - to ask any question you'd like - anything under the sun. The 100 Hour Board will then provide an answer within 100 Hours. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth - according to us of course.

I adopt the general motto: this is a place for fun. We'll strive to have fun and keep things light. Remember, if you ask something glib and stupid - you'll get a glib and stupid answer.

General Guidelines:

Since the Board does not encourage excuses to be lackadaisical, we are no longer accepting questions whose answers can be found by using a phonebook, calling a customer service provider, and so forth.
Not all questions and comments to the Board will be posted (depending on content)
Board editors reserve the right to edit comments for brevity or other circumstances
The Board may or may not respond to questions asking for professional advice. We are not professionals and cannot answer any questions that would hold us liable.

Have fun, submit and enjoy the reading.

100 HB

Continue Reading...