Whirling Johns

Q: Dear All-Wise-100-Hr-Board,

I have heard (but have never traveled far enough to confirm) that when above the equator a toilet flushes in the opposite direction than from below the equator. Is this true?


If so, what occurs when you are located AT the equator?
 
Sincerely,
Flushed Away
 
A: Dear Swirly,
 
Who says they use toilets south of the equator? Or even AT the equator for that manner? Seeing as you have not traveled beyond the confines of your particular commodal region, you may not be aware what occurs in Australia. What do you think wombats are designed for? Which is why Tazmanian Devils are so very feared lest you confuse the two in the middle of the night. All of South America actually uses small buckets that magically teleport the...umm..leftovers to a specific septic tank in the 1000 Islands that magically needs extra pumping every year. And as you near the border, well...trophies are dried, shipped to Seattle and used as in high-price grande soy mocha latte.
 
We jest. Toilets in the Northern Hempisphere rotate counterclockwise, clockwise in the Southern. That is the whole toilet gets up and spins in only one direction. And then puts thier who selves in...their whole selves out... Ok...they flush in those respective directions. So at the border things just go straight down. Quickly. So watch the hands.
 
How do we know this? From watching hurricanes and cyclones that rotate similarly. Using deduction and gross-literary allegories we know that toilets behave similarly (gross...ha ha). What's good for the cyclones good for the crapper. If you know what I mean. I mean we give both of them men's names? Really...don't we consider the Gulf of Mexico our common WC? Coincidence? I think not.
 
Back in 1984 a group of MIT engineers and physicists undertook a NIS funded project to study this phenomena. Although fluid mechanics is central to engineers' studies (and essentially most civil engineers end up spending their career designing oversized toilet systems - HA BRIAN!), the real reason for the study arose from a debate on hair styling post swirlies. There was a worry that if an Aussie bloke gave you a swirlie while visiting a conference on Crocco effect in fluid dynamics (or a Star Trek convention Kirk) down under, you may not be able to adequately return to your 30 year old hairstyle. German nerds avoided this issue years ago by removing any toilet bowl and installing shelves. Trust me..I'll risk wet hair!
 

Surprisingly it was discovered that in fact the toilet bowls aren't large to come under the hyptonizing Coriolis effect. (Or that is, it is extremely neglibigle. Like spitting into the wind of a hurricane to mix analogies) The Coriolis effect is a 'fictional force' that is how straight movement on something rotating is perceived in another reference frame. Commonly we recognize this as air rotating in a low pressure storm - hurricane or cyclone (ruled by Buys-Ballot's law). Basically, hurricanes are huge and last around several days so the rotation of the earth effects the winds flowing towards the low pressure point to curve them. In the North you see this as counterclockwise storms, clockwise in the South. On the equator: nada - but only exactly there.

Turns out toilets, sinks, bathtubs (yes even jacuzzi tubs), swimming pools and the like are way too small to be effected or noticed. (Unless you live in a crapper).

 

 

"But my toilet swirls counterclockwise!" you say in consternation (NOT constipation). Well, the swirls are actually caused by the way the toilet flushes. Or small disturbances when the drain is plugged. So sorry, no dice. Toilets generally behave the same no matter the geography.

 

Although, in the 1930's British scientists did study the effect in bathtubs in very controlled experiments and found a very minimal effect to draining. Only the Brits have that much time on their hands. And week old bath water. Although we did watch a great video from 1961 of Ascher Shapiro demonstrating drains and how to calculate velocity vectors. But that's a little dry for most people. (Dry?!! We are too funny!) (In case you need to sleep watch the video Vorticity Part 1) More info here and here.

 

But this is ok. You won't believe what happens to toilets in Japan! Watch out! And of course I found this one that isn't about toilets flushing - but fun.
 
Sincerely,
Your WC Director