Would You Like Fries with That?

Q: Dear 100HRB:

For being America's fast food restaurant...why doesn't McDonald's sell hot dogs?

Yours Truly,

Frankfurter

A: Dear Insoluble Inquirer:

In order to get your answer the 100HRB contacted McDonald's Corporation Customer Service located in Peoria, IL. Not too far from the corporate headquarters in Oak Brook, IL.

McD: I’ve got an answer for that… (you can hear Jackie typing in an inquiry to whatever form of Mc Google they use for questions) McDonald’s feels that their form of business in hamburgers & chicken and their wonderfully new salads provides a unique nutrition solution. (Wow- not only did the McD’s Google give me an answer it gave me a sales pitch for wonderfully new salads.)
100HRB: Are the new salads wonderful or are they just wonderfully new?
McD: What do you mean?
100HRB: I mean, are you not saying that it is just wonderful that they are new and in actuality taste like crap? Or are they wonderful to eat?
McD: Both.
100HRB: They taste like crap and and crap is wonderful to eat?!
McD: No, no (laughing). Are you doing this on purpose?
100HRB: What?
McD: Changing my words?
100HRB: I haven’t changed anything. I just want to know the answer.
McD: Well, they are wonderfully new and wonderfully delicious.
100HRB: Okay, if you say so. I’ll give you this one. (in order to be perceived as authoritative I make some keystrokes of my own and ensure that the McCorporate lady hears it) I guess my concern is that my question was on the premise that McDonald’s Corporation is the fast food king. Is McDonald’s new fascination with salads and healthy nutrition solutions a message to the world that McDonald’s is relinquishing its throne to…I don’t know say to Burger King.
McD: McDonald’s is proud of being the number one convenient food restaurant of choice by people around the world.
100HRB: Is the name Burger King a misnomer?
McD: Other chains have every right to claim their own name.
100HRB: But not the position of King in the…what did you call it? Convenient food market? Look, all I am saying is that this new focus kills any future of having an old fashion American hot dog. Tell me straight, is or is not Ronald McDonald afraid of Nathan’s?
McD: I am not sure what Nathan’s is.
100HRB: Oh, you are not sure are you? Nathan’s! It is a fast food chain that serves hotdogs, corn dogs and fries. You can get sauerkraut, mustard, olives, chili, relish anything you really want on top of a good old fashion dog. (obviously she deliberately stalled the 100HRB since as I am answering I can here the clickety clack of her keyboard) But they fail to provide me with the ever important question after ordering a hot dog, ‘Would you like fries with that?’. I just want to hear it at my local McDonald’s. What is wrong with that?
McD: Unless we are talking about one of our specialty stores like the ones in Walmart, McDonald’s has no future plans to add hot dogs to our menu selection.
100HRB: Ah, finally some answers from your secret vault. Tell me more about these so called, ‘specialty stores’.
McD: McDonald’s has partnered with Walmart and other local supermarket stores in offering McDonald’s food to customers who come to shop. At select stores we offer hot dogs.
100HRB: Boiled or baked?
McD: I believe they use a spit or something like you would see at a Seven Eleven.
100HRB: Is this in response to the Polish hotdogs that Costco offers?
McD: Our specialty locations are there to serve the customer in a convenient location with convenient choices.
100HRB: Is the hamburger not convenient enough?
McD: Hamburger’s our McDonald’s number one product.
100HRB: Enough about the hamburger; please stay on topic. Are these so called hot dogs you serve at the specialty locations polish dogs or more like Ballparks?
McD: I think they are just a regular hot dog.
100HRB: Is it not true that McDonald’s is afraid of the Polish? Or at least any form of Kraut?
(I can hear more typing on that insane computer! As though this question demands a McGoogle search.)
McD: We are happy to be located in Warsaw. For questions or comments regarding McDonald's outside the USA please feel free to contact our Global Trade Center in Warsaw at 48-22-874-4303.
100HRB: Oh, I will. Believe me, I will.

Anyone have a over seas phone plan?

Truth is that Dick and Mac McDonald's Restaurant, in San Bernardino, California was the first McDonald's. And it DID offer hotdogs. To make a long story short...in 1954 Ray Croc came around and began selling franchises across the nation and ripped* Dick and Mac off. In Ray Croc's desire to streamline everything hotdogs were taken off the menu. It is obvious that the question brings up a shady history of aggressive business practices that McDonald's Corporation would like to cover up. The hotdog can lead to the smoking gun that is known as Ray Croc.


*Ray Croc bought the McDonald's franchise from Dick and Mac. Ray even opened a McDonald's across the street from the original McDonald's in San Bernardino. Then Ray had the nerve to sue Dick and Mac for name infringement. The court ruled that since McDonald's was Dick and Mac's given name they had a right to use it. Four years later, Ray's McDonald's in San Bernardino competed so hard that it forced Dick and Mac to close shop for good.