On the First Day of Christmas...Nothing

Q: Hrb:

I am a newly devoted reader to your sage page so if this inquisition has been posed before I beg your forgiveness. Tis the season to be jolly so I thought I would ask a question about Christmas. Why is it I never get what I want?

Yours truly

From a blue blue christmas gift guy!!!

A: Dear Recipient of the Anthracite Stocking Stuffer:

It's tough when you don't get what it is you want. Buck up kid. It'll happen. So let's look at the issues involved with not getting what you wanted from Santa.

1. You're asking for too much. Really, do you expect to get an Aston Martin in a red bow. Please...I don't care how James Bond you are
2. You are asking for something embarrassing to buy. No one wants to be seen in a knitting store, let alone get you a gift certificate there. Or one from Hooters, or from a pet outfit store
3. It's just not called for. Asking for a homemade, pet-sized guillotine is just wrong. So, so wrong.
4. You've been bad. Cheated on your taxes, embezzled, cut someone off on the road, took a grocery cart from an old lady. You name it. Should have made the good list.
5. You're too vague. No one can interpret a request of 'get me something nice,' or 'you know me'. And world peace is nice, but doesn't fit in a box.
6. You moved and didn't send Santa your new address.
7. Santa just doesn't like you. Did you spit on him at the mall? Maybe you peed on his lap as a kid.
8. No body loves you. Not even the man with a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly
9. You actually are getting what you want but your kids are stealing all of them.
10. Your wife burned them all when you forgot her birthday

This covers a good deal of the possible reasons.

Now in case you are interested in what the 100 Hour Board wants for Christmas, here is a short list:

• A female blog to marry - preferably slim, in pink, sexy and a good cook
• The Portable Professor series lectures to learn more
• The Celestron SkyScout - so cool (and the source of the geeky-cool question)
• A trip by Abercrombie & Kent to Patagonia

100 Ho-Ho-Ho Board