Q: Dear Master 100 Hour Board:
If you were a masochist in life, wouldn't it be a reward to be sent to hell and punishment to be sent to heaven?
Signed,Please hurt me
A: Dear Sadist of the Self
A sadist and a masochist meet at a bar. After several drinks the masochist suggests that the take off, go to his house and 'have fun'. The sadist replies, "no."
Three guys found themselves in Hell: we will call them Carl, Bob, and Brett, they were a little confused at their present situation, and they were startled to see a door in the wall open, and behind the door was perhaps the ugliest woman they had ever seen. She was 3'4", dirty, and you could smell her even over the Brimstone. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Brett, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Brett was whisked through the door by a group of lesser demons to his torment.
This understandably shook up the other two, and so they both jumped when a second door opened, and they saw an even more disgusting example of womanhood gone wrong. She was over 7' tall, monstrous, covered in thick black hair,and flies circled her. The voice of the Devil was heard, "Carl, you have sinned! You are condemned to spend the rest of eternity in bed with this woman!" And Carl, like Brett, was whisked off.
Bob, now alone, felt understandably anxious, and feared the worst when the third door opened. And as the door inched open, he strained to see the figure of ... Cindy Crawford. Delighted, Bob jumped up, taking in the sight of this beautiful woman, dressed in a skimpy bikini.
Then he heard the voice of the Devil saying:"Cindy, you have sinned."
I hope you see the wisdom in there somewhere.
Regards,
I'll visit you from heaven
PS
Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit.The doors burst open, and a rolling black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.
Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!"
2 comments:
Why in the world is the US bicycling hall of fame located in Bridgewater, NJ? Better make a visit!
Dear 100 Hour Board:
I've read that trees use energy to change the pigment of their leaves in the fall. So, why bother? If this is truly a Darwinian world what possible evolution breakthrough could possible make trees benefit from this? And was there a time when the trees didn't change the pigment of their leaves?
PS. Why don't you ever comment on Critchlow's Counter?
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